Go the Fuck to Sleep-A Children's Book

Anyone that has dealt with children has to agree that this is the best bed time story of all time! How it was created is even funnier. This man Adam Mansback is an author who after struggling to get his 2 year old to sleep posted a Facebook status saying: "Look out for my forthcoming children's book, 'Go the Fuck to Sleep". All his friends liked it so he decided to actually put some shit together. After some PDF copies of the tale went viral some publisher in Brooklyn picked it up and it's been number 1 on Amazon's bestseller list. It went on sale recently and Samuel L. Jackson has narrated the audiobook which is currently free...but not for long I suspect. You can CLICK HERE to download it, you'll be prompted to create an account but don't worry it's one step.

Man calls 911 on himself. *Audio*

This is so bizarre. Just watch the video, I really hate explaining things that you are about to see for yourself. 

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BODYCONFESSIONS.COM

Sites like DearblankPleaseblank and PostSecret have become wildly popular. The goal is simple, anonymously post shit that you would otherwise not say. Well, one of my professors Diana Spechler, is about to release her second book, Skinny. Along with the book she has also launched the site BodyConfessions.com where you can go and write-DUH-body confessions. I'm in class right now and we're all just reading them and some confessions are legit hilarious, others are depressing, and some are downright dark. Def, go check it out!

DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMN

Whoah, calm the fck down.

After her team, the University of Memphis pom squad, won the Division 1 championships for Hip-Hop this bitch lost it. Her names Marina Barrett and she'll never forget this.

We Need More Teachers Like This!

First off the world needs more teachers like this who aren't afraid to tell it like it is and give the straight truth. Secondly, what the hell is wrong with the students in that classroom?! I'm embarrassed to be a part of this generation of people who think that behavior like what is displayed in that video is acceptable. I don't care what you've been through in life nor how your parents raised you there is no excuse for the actions that took place in this video and 90% of the other things people do nowadays. EVERYBODY knows the difference between right and wrong.

PUT DOWN THE DAMN PHONE!

I AM DYING RIGHT NOW. You MUST watch the video. I mean I hope that was an intense text she was reading/writing because I cannot even fathom a text that would make me not notice a damn fountain! Actually, she was probably playing DoodleJump in which case I can totally understand how this happened.

WHAT THE HECK IS THAT!?

MERRY ALMOST CHRISTMAS :]

This kid is such the younger version of me.
Cracking up at the hand motion after he says, "Now what are these for?"

Newest Obsession.

Forget Texts from Last Night, it's all about Damn You Auto-Correct. Everyone with an up to date cell phone has experienced an embarrassing autocorrect mishap. These always happen at the worst of times and are never not embarrassing; now thanks to DYAC we can laugh at the misfortune of others. Personally, this shit happens to me all the time and it's always during an argument which makes me look stupid and minimizes my anger. For instance one that happens to me all the time is when I try to put f*ck and my phone decides I meant duck which completely just ruins the situation.

I Didn't Know Things Like This Existed.

Apparently there are things known as "jump-roping squads". That in and of itself would have made for a hilarious post but even more perfect is the fact that they perform routines that last 8:00 MINUTES! The video above is of the Kings Firecrackers jump-roping squad from Ohio (of course from some flyover state) performing during a halftime show at the US Naval Academy. The video takes a while to load, but trust, you will be amazed.

P.S. I haven't yet watched the full 8 minutes but please believe that I will!


UPDATE: THINGS REALLY GET INTERESTED AT THE 4 MINUTE MARK!


EXTRA UPDATE: OMG JUST START WATCHING AT 4:00 MINUTES. I really can't even hate on anything about these girls! A-They are in AMAZING physical shape to be able to do that crap for 8:00 especially the stunts they start pullin at 5:30!!!

Funniest News EVER

O.M.G. I'm dying right now after reading this! It was on Dead Serious News so hopefully it's a 'dead serious' story because something like this is just too hilarious. Who really knows if it's true but if it is, then it would make this the funniest thing to ever happen in America. Even more funny than when the cops busted into Steven Slater's house to arrest him for deploying the JetBlue emergency slide and he was doin' the dirty with his boyfriend.

How to get from Japan to China? JET SKI.

Go to Google Maps and get directions from Japan to China, then look at #43: Jet ski across the Pacific Ocean. I was dying when a friend of mine told me to look at this. Yes, this is legit try it for yourself!

Wal*Mart

So, I came home to FL. for the weekend and you know one of the first things I did was go to Wal*Mart for some everyday low prices. There's always something noteworthy happening at the discounter and so it wasn't really surprising to find a WWE magazing equipped with a FREE OFFICIAL WRISTBAND! Also, while waiting in the hour line to be rung up for my one item purchase of some Tampax my friend noticed that the guy in front of us not only had a ROACH STUCK TO HIS SOCK, but was also making quite an amusing and uncomfortable purchase. Peep the pics below.

It was a lot more apparent in person but was hard to capture on camera while trying to be inconspicuous. If you look closely the roach is on the bottom of the sandal under right hand side of the adidas logo.

Homeboy was buying Febreze, Lifestyles condoms, and Mistolin. Now, we didn't know what Mistolin was so we decided to look it up, Urban Dictionary classifies it as the following:

"A cheap tacky and smelly latin floor cleaner. Only women who where wooden shoes and those nightgowns called Moo-moos use this product. They can be found in most ghettos mopping the sidewalks with mistolin. The product is also used for laundry, dishes, babyformula, and to cure the common cold in most latin homes."

Yes, he was latin and yes, he was mighty uncomfortable.

LOVE IT!

Man Gets Mad at Missed Elevator..DIES

I'm dying of laughter. This idiot who theLifeFiles claims is handicapped (although they're merely assuming this based on the fact that he's in a k*mart brand motorized scooter-btw nothing against k*mart just you know, a real handicapped scooter is way more legit than what homeboy is in. What he's driving is more like one of the ones extremely obese people use just to skip out on walking.) Basically dude gets pissed that he missed the elevator and starts ramming the doors until they break AND HE DIES!

PriceofWeed.com

Screenshot from Priceofweed.com

Yes this is serious. A new website www.priceofweed.com shows what the going rate for weed is in your area. The concept is hilarious but I can already foresee millions of people using it. 

Diesel's Attempt at Humor

First of all, in my almighty opinion Diesel's shoes are garbage. Second of all, these ad campaigns are really not funny at all. But, I'm sure someone will find this funny.

"..you should get preggo its great..."

As every educated person knows, the United States has the highest teen pregnancy rate out of any country in the industrialized world. A few facts on pregnancy from Livestrong.com: Teenage mothers are more likely to: Drop out of high school, be and remain single parents, and score lower in math and reading tests. (Personally I the last point is a bit of a stretch but anyways.) Most shocking, ONE-THIRD OF GIRLS GET PREGNANT BEFORE THE AGE OF 20!  So obviously teen pregnancy has become big issue with television shows like MTV's Teen Mom & 16 & Pregnant which were produced to persuade teens to use protection and/or to stop having sex in general. 

Now to the reason this post was made in the first place: There's an area in Florida where a high number of girls between the ages of 15-19 are having children. As a disclaimer this post is not meant to offend, judge, or berate any individual who has a child or is pregnant it is just stating the obvious FACT that teens need to start taking more precautions when it comes to having sex. It is 2010 and one-third of girls will be pregnant before the age of twenty, what does that mean for 2020? If you do have a child and are taking responsibility, I commend you and as most teen mother's say, "I wouldn't trade it for the world." I'm sure that is the case now and I'm sure you're giving your child all they need and more, but go back to the moment you first found out you were pregnant I would be willing to bet you were anything but excited and probably horrified (unless you're living under some delusion) and saw many of your life's goals and opportunities go up in smoke; this is not to say that you won't go on and have an amazing life (case in point: Justin Bieber's mom was a teen when she had him). 

Someone posted their opinion on their Facebook page and this is the HILARITY & OUTRAGE that ensued:

STEVEN SLATER=MY HERO

I know for a fact that anyone whose ever been on an airplane and read about the in case of emergency slide has pictured it actually happening-because I def. have hundreds of times. Then I always wonder what would happen if I just did it out of nowhere...WELL it appears that intentionally deploying the emergency slide will have you facing up to seven years in jail. Just ask Steven Slater, a flight attendant for Jet Blue who last week had enough. Apparently a lady was taking her bag down from the overhead compartment and it hit him in the head, when she refused to apologize Slater had had enough. He went on the intercom cursing up a storm calling the passenger a "motherfucker" and yelling how he was quitting. Then, he grabbed not one, but TWO beers and deployed the inflatable emergency exit slide and SLID DOWN (after throwing his bags down of course) then ran away in a fit of rage to his car and drove home...IT GETS BETTER. I also read that he was having sex with his boyfriend when the cops came to his house to arrest him..LMAO. And even though he's gay he was married to a woman before. He is legit hilarious and I wish I could have seen it. The only video they have released as of now came out today and is from an angle that basically sucks. But, it's better than nothing. And if they give him the full SEVEN YEARS that he's facing, that is a total disgrace to America. 

WOOOOOOW.

Melodi Dushane Mugshot

So it's 6:30am in Toledo, Ohio. Your name is Melodi Dushane, your 25 years old and you go to McDonald's to get some McNuggets 'cause you have the munchies. Of course McDonald's is only serving breakfast...WHAT DO YOU DO?? Apparently you get out of your car, start attacking the women through the drive-thru window eventually turning into the hulk and busting the glass before speeding off. CLASSY. The greatest thing is when the next car just drives up like nothing just happened. But to be honest if I saw that happen at 6:30am the only thing that would run through my mind would be, "I BETTER STILL GET MY NUMBER 6 WITH A LARGE SWEET TEA."

Put Your Bike, in the House!

Thievery.